So, we’ve all been there. Your kids make choices that you wish you they didn’t. No matter how young or old they are, it always feels the same. Feelings of frustration and wondering if you can do anything to CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR in the first place! This post includes ideas for how to reward kids and reward kids for good behavior.
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Table of contents
When Kids Make Bad Choices
First and foremost, let’s just be real for a second.
Just like you, like me and everyone else your kids are going to learn from making mistakes.
Have realistic expectations for your kids and their behavior. They aren’t perfect and that’s normal.
It’s easy to feel frustrated, annoyed or even question if you’ve done something wrong when this happens.
Rest assured, your kids are just going through the process of learning.
Next, remember that you are learning too! There is no step-by-step book on parenting.
Even if you have more than one child, they are all different and often require you to take a different approach.
The bottom line is, just give yourself some grace. Don’t expect perfection from them OR yourself.
Some really simple tips to reward good behavior and generally providing natural rewards for kids will help you navigate parenting when kids make bad choices.
Ideas to Reward Good Behavior For Kids
There are tons of healthy ways to reward kids for good choices.
Read through them all and rotate which ones you use and when you use them.
TIP: BE GENUINE – When rewarding your kids be sure to make eye contact and be genuine in how you speak to them. Physical touch is powerful in reinforcing what you are saying. Giving a hug, high five, and holding their hands are great ways to show your kids you care when reinforcing good behavior.
Verbal Rewards For Kids – Ideas For Rewards
Specific Verbal Rewards
- Be specific in WHAT you are glad they did.
- Here are some examples
- I love how you put your blocks in the bucket all by yourself!
- You did a great job of matching your toys to the buckets they go in!
- Your teeth look so clean! You brushed your teeth so well!
- Thank you for getting ready for bed right on time.
- You finished everything on your Morning Chart before school! Way to go!
Verbal Encouragement When Your Kids Are Struggling
- FIND something they did right or acknowledge their attempt
- Avoid pointing out what they DIDN’T do
- Here are some examples
- You did a great job putting your toys in the buckets! Let’s play a matching game with your toys. (Work on matching toys to the right buckets)
- I know you came up to get ready for bed right on time! Let’s see what’s next on your evening routine checklist! (When they get distracted)
- You tell exciting stories! Let’s read a fun story right after we talk about ….[insert topic]. (When tell a fib)
Verbal Rewards When Your Kids Need Motivation
- If you start to see signs of frustration or discouragement hone in on your parenting spidey-sense
- Intentionally seek out the things they are doing well
- Here are some examples
- I know you want to play for a little longer. I loved how you got everything on your morning chart done yesterday! You were smiling and happy when you finished. Maybe if you finish your chart you’ll have a few minutes to play before we leave! (When they don’t want to stay on task)
- Putting your toys away can be a lot of work. Why don’t you sing the clean up song while I help you? You had all of your toys in their bucket yesterday! Let’s see if we can do it again!
These are ideas to get you started. Apply the same principle to a different topic.
Verbal rewards for kids can be tricky. Whatever you do, just remember to frame your statements and encouragement from a positive perspective.
In other words, rather than saying “You aren’t supposed to be playing with your toys right now” say “Let’s see what your morning routine chart says happens next?”
If it doesn’t go well on your first or second attempt, or any attempt, just remember…. It’s OK! Don’t give up on positive rewards for good behavior.
Read all about How to Teach Your Kids to be Organized in this post!
The Purpose of Rewards For Kids
Remember, the whole point in rewards is NOT to affect what has already been done, but to shape how your kids approach things in the future.
As your kids are in every developmental stage of life they are forming habits and norms for what motivates them.
Rewarding kids for good behavior and making good choices is all about helping them make their own choice to do what is right.
It’s SO EASY to slip into the trap of having them do things to please you. Is bringing you joy a healthy byproduct of making good choices? ABSOLUTELY!
Should your children learn that making good choices positively impacts others around them? Definitely!
Just keep in mind that can’t be the main reason for their good choices.
TIP: Be careful not to inadvertently foster a bargaining mentality in your reward system. For example; giving a reward of play time for doing something you ask doesn’t foster the choice to do what they should because it should be done. What it does teach them is to bargain to get what they want. Foster growth and a commitment to morals by being specific in your verbal rewards and limiting material rewards.
Getting it Right | Rewards For Kids
To wrap it all up just don’t forget that there will be ups and downs. You will get your kids rewards right and you’ll get it wrong.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. They will be fine and so will you.
Life is about learning for a lifetime. We never stop learning. So, as you succeed and as you fail, learn from each situation and aim to do a little better next time.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, don’t beat yourself up when it goes wrong. You are reading this post and you made it this far which means you want the best for your kids.
They will feel that in everything you do.
Share your ideas for creative rewards for kids in the comments below!
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This post was all about how to provide healthy rewards for kids and rewarding good behavior while building life skills and creating healthy relationships with your children.
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