People Pleaser: Avoid Burnout

If you are a people pleaser these tips on how to avoid burnout provide new ways to be true to you without the complete exhaustion you are used to!

Are you a woman that tends to say “yes” to anyone who asks you for help? Do you hate to disappoint anyone? Maybe it’s just simpler to increase your list of to-do’s rather than deal with the inner turmoil of saying no. If so, you my friend are a people pleaser and you’re not alone.

So many people deal with an aversion to any type of conflict. Even the simplest of things such as not being able to help someone when you know they need it.

You may just take joy in pleasing people! There is nothing wrong with that. More do-gooders in the world definitely can’t hurt, right?

There’s only one problem with being a people pleaser. Focusing too much on pleasing others often leads to a lack of focus on yourself which leads to burnout.

This post is all about how to find balance between being a people pleaser and avoid burnout!

Disclaimer: Affiliate links are used on my website. If you purchase a product or service via my link I receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products I love, use and believe in. You can read my full disclosure here.

Perpetual People Pleasing Isn’t Sustainable

We all know it just feels good to do something for others. Whether that’s a random kind act, helping a close friend, you name it… it just feels good to know you can help.

The major problem here is true people pleasers (you know who you are) get caught up in doing for others. Little by little, one good deed at a time, those things become the priority above everything else.

So, you may be asking “What’s wrong with that?” Well, here it is… focusing completely on pleasing others just isn’t sustainable.

Don’t get me wrong. You absolutely should do what you can to have a positive impact when you have the opportunity. You just can’t do it at the expense of you own well-being.

Having an all-in mentality towards being a people pleaser leads to:

burnout
unhealthy habits
sheer exhaustion

You may be asking yourself how I know. Well ladies, that was me many years ago. I learned the hard way.

At the time I was wearing all of these hats:

Wife of a soldier (lots of temporary assignments away & deployment)
Mom of 2 amazing kids
Activities for 2 kids
Homeschooling 2 kids
Full Time student myself
Leader of MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) at our church
Running a blog
Other less time intensive things

For the longest I just kept on keeping on… until I realized I couldn’t keep up at that pace. I was burnt out!

Sound familiar? Your list may be different but the outcome will likely be the same without some adjustments.

People Pleaser Solution: Balance

Looking back, it happened over time. Little by little I found myself taking less joy in the things I used to love. I didn’t even realize it was happening until I was completely exhausted.

I knew I needed to find balance. And, I wanted to get back to enjoying my life and all the amazing things in it. So, I set out to do just that! And I found it. I still did the the things I loved to do. I just did a better job managing the commitments I had at any given time.

Since then, I have helped many women come up with plans to avoid ending up in the same situation I was in.

Are you feeling exhausted, maybe moody, and beating yourself up mentally for feeling that way? Is any of this is sounding familiar? Maybe this is you or someone you know. This is all about how to avoid burnout and keep doing things for others in a healthy, balanced manner.

Tips to Avoid Burnout

These are 5 easy tips you can follow to avoid burnout as a people pleaser. I want to reiterate, there is nothing wrong with doing things for others. The key is finding balance. After all, if you get so exhausted you can’t do anything, what good will that do in the end? Even worse, if you lose the joy of doing for others in the first place. The other major question to ask yourself is who or what will be left in the wake of that situation?

Journal Your Activity for 1 Week: People Pleaser Tip #1

The first thing you can do to avoid burnout is start journaling your activity. To be specific, you will want to log all of your activity with your focus on these key things. 1) General activities 2) Your sleep 3) Time dedicated to Self-Care 4)Your Eating Habits and 5) Your energy level.

You are probably asking yourself, why would I log my activity, sleep, eating habits and mood? I am trying to avoid burnout. What the heck does any of this have to do with being a people pleaser??

Well, the reality is burnout happens when prolonged or repeated stress manifests itself. It does this through emotional, mental and physical exhaustion or any combination of the three. The only way to truly see what you can do to make adjustments is to see exactly what you do on a daily basis.

Let’s be honest here. If you are indeed a people pleaser you are unlikely to realize that you are nearing exhaustion. You are hard wired to ignore that information. Just log the information listed above and see what you find out. What do you have to lose? You may find you are doing a better job balancing than you realize and all is well!

Feel free to grab this Activity Journal below to complete your activity self-assessment. It’s totally free and is set up to do exactly this. It has a daily chart for energy level and columns that make it quick and easy to log all of your information.

Get your People Pleaser Self-Assessment sheet here.

Schedule Time Daily for Your Self Care: People Pleaser Tip #2

So many women hear self care and immediately think “I can’t afford to go to a fancy spa.” There is SO MUCH MORE to self care. Yes, that is one thing you can do but it’s one thing out of a laundry list of amazing options. Many of which won’t cost you a dime!

Did you know there are 8 self care essentials that cover every aspect of how you can take care of yourself? I have a whole post about it. Read it here.

Read the 8 self care essentials post here!

The thing is, you have to take some time to take care of your body, mind and spirit. If you don’t you won’t have anything left to give to others. It makes sense when you think really focus on that. Again, the issue is most of us (especially people pleasers) don’t realize we are even close to burnout until it’s too late.

Use a Planner (Don’t Over-commit): People Pleaser Tip #3

The most important thing to do to avoid over commitment is to use a planner to schedule your time. Have a plan. How much time do you want to dedicate to all of the important things and people in your life. There are two parts to the importance of the planner here.

First, it is much harder to avoid the reality of how much you are over-taxing yourself when it is printed on paper right in front of you. Or even more importantly to avoid it in the first place.

Second, you can see how you are scheduling all of your time. Are you doing things that have to be done? Are you building in time to do things for some joy and fun too?

Kids or no kids … same outcome

Moms this is for you. You are probably running from one thing to the next. You’re doing everything humanly possible to keep your kids involved in the right stuff. You make sure they are with people that you trust, and it’s probably even high on your priority list.

Here’s the thing though… are scheduling time to do things with them that are fun???? Every family has different things that they enjoy. It doesn’t matter if it’s a movie night, game night, playing hide and seek with your little ones, reading a book together, a shopping trip or coffee with your teenager… you get the idea. Schedule time for things that will really make a difference.

If you don’t have kids the same principle applies. You probably have some friends or even your significant other that you want to focus on. Schedule time to do something fun.

Whether you have kids or not, here’s the thing. You can show love to the people you care about by making time with them a priority. Schedule it so it doesn’t get pushed to the side… again.

Our favorite planner is available for free here. Get yours and get started planning your day today!

Be OK With Saying “No”: People Pleaser Tip #4

There are several things that people pleasers do and do often. People pleasers hate to say no.

Undoubtedly there are many reasons you say yes. Some of which are:

You can get it done easily
What they asked you to do is your “thing” so it makes sense
It’s just something small
You don’t want to deal with the aftermath of not doing it
The thing they asked you to do is something you enjoy
You don’t want to go through worrying about whether you should have or not

There are so many reasons that you justify doing things other people need or ask you to do. They are all legitimate reasons.

It is totally ok to say yes, when it makes sense… In other words, you have to be ok with saying no sometimes.

If you don’t say no when it doesn’t make sense to say yes you will end up frustrating many and burnt out! Again, I’m speaking from experience myself and after after working with so many others.

Avoid the frustration and disappointment of hitting rock bottom by saying no when it makes sense.

questions to ask yourself ~ Saying “no”

Will saying yes take time away from other priorities?
Can I complete this easily and without disrupting the schedule?
Is there a way I can schedule it a little later to get it done and still stick to my schedule?
Will this cause me more stress and frustration?
Do I know someone else I could suggest to help out?
Is there time to get what they are asking me to do done?
Are they flexible in when it needs to be completed?

Work through these questions and see if it makes sense for you to agree to do it. Again, doing things for others is great! I still love doing things to help out. It’s all about being sure not to over extend yourself.

Participate in Thankful Thursday: People Pleaser Tip #5

Thankful Thursday is all about intentionally focusing on gratitude. There are tons of ways to show people you are thankful for them, what they do or something they did.

You may be asking yourself why Thankful Thursday is the last step to this process. The simple fact that you are a people pleaser means you intrinsically “get” gratitude, right? The obvious answer is yes, but not exactly.

My experience working with others on this very topic is that people pleasers do appreciate and recognize the significance of gratitude. You also have an external focus. Remember, you have a tendency to think of others first. This also means that you, and I, naturally have a tendency to skip over showing gratitude personally.

Now, this isn’t always true. I have known some people pleasers that are great at showing gratitude on a regular basis. Regardless, it is never a bad thing to schedule time to show gratitude and tell others you are thankful for them.

It doesn’t have to be the obvious things either. Thank your spouse, significant other, kids or friends for the impact they have on you. You can thank your co-worker for helping you out. Maybe you have someone you have lost touch with that you could thank.

Your focus doesn’t have to be on emotional thanks either. Thank your waitress. Thank the person who hold the door open. Heck, you can thank someone for giving you a great idea or reminding you of something. The options are limitless.

The point is, intentional focus on showing gratitude and taking time to reflect on the things you are thankful for is cathartic.

Bring Joy to Others Without the Burnout

If you’re still reading you or someone you know can probably relate. We would all benefit from using the tips to avoid burnout. All 5 activities are useful for everyone, whether you are a people pleaser or not.

To be clear, it is 100% OK to be a people pleaser and do things for others. It’s just not ok to do so at the expense of your own well-being.

As a summary, these are the 5 ideas to follow to avoid burnout from doing things for others.

Journal Your Activity for 1 Week
- Understand what your time is dedicated to
Schedule Time For Self Care
Use A Planner
- Decide what a healthy balance in use of time for:
  - You
  - Family
  - Friends
  - Work
  - Others
Be OK With Saying “No”
Participate In Thankful Thursday

Start journaling your time spent so you can avoid burnout from being a people pleaser now. This self-assessment journal is our favorite way to really see how you are spending your time and make intentional decisions about helping others! Get yours here!